22-year-old Toby Elles fell asleep (see also: passed out drunk) while making a late night bacon snack. He awoke to a house filled with smoke, and the realization that he had left the frying pan and his delicious bacon cooking. Toby rose from his drunken stupor and made his way to the kitchen. When he started to scrape the scorched bacon remnants of the bottom of the pan, the face of none other than Jesus Christ himself appeared.

My housemates and I had a few beers earlier in the evening I thought I would snack before going to bed and as it was cooking I decided to take a rest on the couch. When I woke up about an hour later the room was full of smoke. Luckily we have an electric hob so I just turned off the heat, but then I lifted up the bacon and there was JC looking back at me. Mr Elles has said he is going to keep the 'gift from God' for good luck. I'm not going to scrub it clean though, just in case I get struck by lightning, it's going to take pride of place on a wall instead,' he said. It's become quite a talking point for people who come round to the house and I have even thought I might get a glass cabinet to put it in. I'm going to keep it for the rest of my life, perhaps it can watch over me.

If I was Bacon Jesus, I would've let him die... just to teach him and others not to waste bacon.

via Daily Mail

Zhora, an ex circus performer has been sent to a rehab facility in the city of Kazan, 500 miles outside of Moscow. The chimp began bothering park guests for cigarettes and liquor when they would walk by his cage. How does a chimp ask for cigarettes and liquor? Zhora picked up his nasty habits while previously on tour with the circus. This of course poses many questions, the most important being; what the hell goes on at a monkey rehab facility? What about cold turkey? We assume the chimp would get violent, but how long would that last?

via Montreal Gazette